Men: Don’t underestimate the power of foreplay. And whether penetration is on the table or not, there are ways to pleasure a woman that ought not be neglected. Along with practicing proper penis care and learning how to use his member well, a man should beef up on his outer play skills.
There are many reasons a man may neglect developing and implementing such skills. He may be nervous that he won’t “do it right,” and feel embarrassed about not knowing what to do. He also may just be so wrapped up in his own pleasure that he ignores that of his partner. These issues need to be overcome. Sexual activity, whether penetrative or not, involves two people. Two people should be experiencing pleasure. The following tips can help men more fully engage their partners during outer play.
1) Be confident. Being afraid to do things during sexual play is a big deterrent to actually doing things. If a partner has expressed consent (clearly and explicitly), then she wants the man. That should be a confidence-booster in itself.
2) Also, be humble. However, being confident doesn’t mean diving into new activities without first getting the okay and knowing what she likes. It is in no way a sign of weakness or ineptitude to ask a woman what she wants. Rather, when a man does so, he shows that he respects her as an individual with unique desires. He also shows that he wants to give her the most pleasure possible – a huge turn-on!
3) Mouth play. Kissing is often the first step toward sexual activity (though one should never assume the latter is an inevitable outcome of the act). While preferences vary, it’s a good bet that a woman doesn’t want to be slobbered all over. A man should try to keep his lips on hers rather than engulfing the lower half of her face. Swallow from time to time to prevent excess saliva from covering her face. Be gentle at first when moving the lips around her body; she may like nibbling, but let her tell you, or ask her. She may not be into it at all, or she may want to see your marks on her days later. Don’t assume.
4) Nipple play. If a woman has expressed interest in nipple play, begin gently. Some women like very light caresses with fingers and the tongue; others like rough twisting, pinching and pulling; others like something in between. It’s best to err on the side of caution. Ask her, “Is that good? Is this too rough? Do you want it rougher?” She’ll tell you what she’s comfortable with. Starting off with the more extreme stuff can cause pain, an immediate turn-off (for some).
5) C-Spot play. If a man isn’t sure how far a woman wants to go, he should ask if it’s okay if he touches her down there. Or, best case scenario, she may put his hand there herself. It’s normal for guys to be a bit hesitant about stimulating the clitoris, because a guy might not be sure how a woman likes it. Here as in other situations, it’s best to be gentle. Start with slow, soft circles around her clit. A man will hear her responses, and he can slowly speed up or increase pressure, asking her along the way if she likes it like that. If tongue action is desired, proceed in a likewise cautious fashion.
6) Fingering. Once she begins to get wet, the partners may desire some internal finger action. Don’t just jab two or three fingers in there; start by circling the entrance, then slide one finger in, moving it around. Most women enjoy G-spot stimulation, which requires more than just thrusting a finger (or two) in and out. With a man’s palm facing her clit, he can wiggle his finger in a “come hither” motion a couple inches in, varying speed. He’ll know if he’s hitting the spot by her reaction.
Along with asking permission and questions throughout outer play, a man can up his game by taking the best care of his penis possible. This will make a man’s member more appealing and inviting to his partner. Avoiding dry, flaky skin and unwanted odors are crucial steps here. Along with proper washing, using a penis health creme (health professionals recommend Man1 Man Oil) can go a long way. Natural moisturizers like Shea butter and vitamin E keep the skin soft and supple, while vitamin A fights odor-causing bacteria. Knowing how to pleasure her is key; so is presenting a manhood that she wants to touch.